We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
