Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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