i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
