Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She's the barista slut.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
