You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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