He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
