I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
