he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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