i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
