I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
