New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
