i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
