if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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