My Higher Power is John Stamos
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
