omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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