Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
