I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
