jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
