My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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