Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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