why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Found the puke drawer
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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