I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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