Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
