Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
