the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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