batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
