Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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