is wine microwaveable?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
