The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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