Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
