look no pants
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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