what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
