he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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