i think i have two assholes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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