You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my being single is dangerous.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
