I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
