Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
