You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
