I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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