Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
