Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
