when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you will always have a special place in my vag
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
