do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
