i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
