I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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