Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
