Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
