I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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