the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
