So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
