Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
