It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
