that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
