i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
