I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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