clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
