That's intense
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
