It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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